Are You Hard on Yourself?

Several years ago, I had an elementary school student who would smack himself whenever he made a mistake. We discussed the fact that everyone makes mistakes. I asked if he had learned anything from his mistake, and he was able to tell me what he had learned. I explained that as long as you learned from your mistake, that you didn’t need to feel bad about having made a mistake. It was simply a learning experience. Our chat was enough to keep him from hitting himself and instead focus on what he had learned.

Sometimes you may be hard on yourself and beat yourself up physically or beat yourself up emotionally and mentally with negative thoughts about yourself. Perhaps you have said or thought, “That was so stupid of me.” Or maybe you said, “How could I have been so dumb?” Sometimes those thoughts are repetitions of negative comments that parents or others may have said in judgment of you.

A mistake is defined as “having an incorrect understanding, perception, interpretation, judgment, etc.” Considering all of the differing teachings, interpretations, and perceptions that you may have been exposed to in your life-time, then it is understandable that some of those may have given you wrong ideas. Therein lies the opportunity for a lesson to come your way.

It is time to think about learning experiences and forget the so called “mistake.” This helps you to think more positively and kindly about yourself and perhaps about others also. Every day you are presented with lessons and opportunities to learn, so from time to time, there are bound to be things that could have been handled differently if you knew the lesson in advance.

Thinking of yourself as someone who makes a lot of mistakes instead of a lesson learner, does not allow you to recognize and know your own greatness. You begin to have feelings of self-hatred that pile up layer by layer until you no longer feel yourself to have value or to be worthy of respect. This then leads to an inability to manifest a better life for yourself, because the underlying message you send out is that you don’t deserve any better.

I have heard or read many times that you can’t expect others to love, like and respect you if don’t love, like and respect yourself. If you feel yourself to be worthy, then you will command respect and will get it.

If you were to think of the positive words that others would use to describe you, then you would know that you are a person of value. Perhaps it would help if you made a list of such descriptive words and posted them in a location where you could see them daily and be reminded that you are indeed a great person. You might want to include a list of all the people that you have helped with your acts of kindness each day. A simple thing like a smile and listening to another can contribute so much to making it a great day for another.

Identify yourself as a learner on this journey of life, and one who has made, and continues to make, a contribution to the betterment of yourself and others. Stop being hard on yourself, recognize your greatness and others will too.